Barcelona and all that

What a month, first blog since March 27th! What a party, 10 days of sheer hedonism started in March. 4 days off to freshen up for the home game on the 10th April. Due to my shambolic drunkenness I didn’t make Manchester so popped into Marbella for the game. Retrieved my iPhone after about 2 weeks and proceeded to do a good 90 minutes work, what a fucking liberty!

To be finished

So he we are again, thought about starting work 3 weeks ago, fuck that for a game of soldiers, nice in Marbella in May! Well 11 fucking weeks, what a Euro away, I suppose I’ve been sober for the last 4 but still having a party! Anyhow enough of my shenanigans they’ll go in the book which will be released by September!

May 10th trotted off to Marbella for the game (exiled in fucking fuengirola at the moment) stayed 5 nights, a million ales and didn’t sleep in a bed once. Chili on the beach but too pissed to really notice although on the day I flew to Barca I had a few hours in an old hotel, ok it’s a building site (literally) but she was nice and warm!

So 6 am fuck knows when my flight is as iPhone a casualty and dickheads won’t let me log into my email without texting me. Got a taxi, I was quite rich at the time and had about €10 to my name. Would have knocked the driver but he was alright and couldn’t be arsed to explain my predicament to the police as I wasn’t sure when I flew, so paid with a Hugo boss watch. Rocked up in Barca with €3 knocked the taxi driver as for some reason my card didn’t work! Met mates in plaza real or I think it was called that, certainly not plaza catalunya but close to there. Met Cleg, ladlow, bev etc usual shite. If I’d known they were going a day earlier I’d have joined em!

They bought me a pint or 2 but seemed slightly offended by my financial predicament. Quick phone call to the bank and got them to pay for the fraud on my account (whores, ales etc at least I assume it was that due to the transaction sizes etc). £335 bargain, they’ve since refunded another £525. Lovely stuff to quote partridge.

Fancied a kip about 3 am as I had lost everyone and had no clue where they were staying, some mancs put me in a taxi and tried to help me out but it turned out they fucked up as the cunt of a taxi driver robbed me (I got your registration and number plate, I’ll be back love and sober hahaha). He left me at the whore house with €20. Usual nonsense, grabbed a few birds and fuck no one. Had a whisky, with my 20, they kicked me out at closing so had to kip on the street under a protected tree so I didn’t get robbed.

Met the lads again about 12, tried to get the rest of my coin I’d transferred into Cleg’s account but he was too mortalled to comprehend what I was in about! Junior rocked up with his newly engaged treacle. I was fucked from the night before, knew we’d lose, knew it was a shit view and fancied getting leathered with the love struck couple so I flogged my ticket. Didn’t ask top whack, just wanted my flight and ticket money. Out of order but cleg didn’t give me my money so I had fuck all!

Junior gets knocked out within the hour arguing about the quality of the ray bans he bought off the street I wouldn’t mind but I don’t buy moody glasses and if I did I’d get it off the mancs. Actually tried some on and they were of a Marbella standard. Nice ray bans here as the Columbia’s, English, Irish, Brazilians etc are here. I happen to know we’re the fuengirola police buy their ray bans from now n Marbella!

Anyhow good crack watching it in the pub, went fucking psycho with that moody penalty. Was ok until that spic cunt daveeed let there second in. I beared it a bit longer but fucked off earlyish, tried to tap some tidy intelligent bird up. Not fucking close you drunken twat!

Woke up on a soiled settee in a one star hell hole just off las rambles with a million Romanian gypos in close attendence. Wouldn’t mind but should have had 2 nights in the ritz Carlton for €60 a night with Messi and all them cunts but my Chelsea rent boy mate (who works for Marriott, hence the price) was not prepared to tolerate me in the midst of one of my benders. Thought I’d missed my flight back to Malaga, none of my so called mates or family would lend me money even though Cleg had it well all bar chuck who only had 50 on him. Top man. Get a job, FUCK OFF, I’ll have a grand off the bank, suing Apple and three as they’re incompetent cunts ( will get money off 3 fuck all chance with Apple still no fucking Apple ID or number a month later). Got to the airport thinking I’d missed my flight tomorrow not to find out id booked the cunt for 2100 so I could have had more debauched hedonism in Barca. Decided against going back as I’d have probably missed the flight. Flew back at 12 for an extra 40. Went to the whore house gropped about 3 fit birds had an ale for a fiver and fucked off home to amuse myself. Same old same old!!

Might just take out some holiday insurance for the next trip. Come on Romania, fittest birds after the onion bargis and I don’t think we’ll draw them. Apple Pay May get a hammering too, may link it to my Spanish account!

Got back 5 days on the piss in fuengirola. Behaved since, 3 dates in the last week, 2 more coming up. So what, well not had a date for 8 years as interference with my beloved Artois! Need to fall in love so I can make my millions and get pissed again. Pencilled in October, come on Bucharest!!!!

oh by the way dan send me your number we need to discuss me suing you for emotional distress which I may let go and your Marbella or Bucharest stag do. I’m sure you’re treacle will be reading this as my one avid follower. I’m on 0034604206005 should be back on yo number soon, but not holding my breath! Just WhatsApp or message me

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